{"id":101,"date":"2008-05-14T22:27:21","date_gmt":"2008-05-14T22:27:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.proteanme.com\/?p=101"},"modified":"2008-06-24T06:54:34","modified_gmt":"2008-06-24T06:54:34","slug":"incubating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.proteanme.com\/?p=101","title":{"rendered":"incubating"},"content":{"rendered":"

The shine is off Portland for me. Yep, almost ten years out here and I’m realizing this may not be my kinda town. Now I’m not sure what that means in practical terms, cause it’s not like I have plans for moving or anything. At least, nothing more than some fantasies. It’s just one more thing that I’m willing to put in play as I think about how to make being alive special.<\/p>\n

It will sound funny to some folks, but I actually miss the subtle landscape of Indiana, even if I can’t imagine living there again. Nothing against my home state or all you wonderful folks living there that I hold so dear. Indiana has all the nice guyness I could ever want, but the queer factor could be better.<\/p>\n

I was entertaining a fantasy last week about getting a job that would allow me to work from anywhere and being a bit of nomad for a while, spend some time here in Oreogn, some time in Indiana, some on the east coast, maybe some in Europe.<\/p>\n

But really as much as I wanna grab hold of something to give my life meaning, I’m pretty my sure the focus has gotta be on the internal, at least for the next little bit. Not that there aren’t some things I wouldn’t mind wrapping my hands around, like the waist of this girl I know who lives in the wilds of western Mass. But things being what they are, I need to let them simmer, not just with this particular girl, but everything in general. Simmering is not particularly glamorous, as much as I may try and make it out to be what with playing music, working on art and writing. Mostly, there’s just this boat load of nothing and in thinking about looking inward, I relate a lot to Silvia’s nourishment<\/a> post. I started a list in my head the other day of what makes being alive feel special to me and here’s what I got so far:<\/p>\n