i don’t have a title for this

April 16, 2020

I am feeling sad today. Actually, sad’s not the right word. I am feeling some despair today. Probably, like a level one kind of despair. Like if despair were an iceberg, I’m at the tip. Or if despair were a language I’m just learning how to count.

Maybe I’ve gotten over saturated by news and podcasts. There is only one real story – the virus. And our lives and the world we live in are forever changed by it, which feels impossible to really acknowledge. Right outside the door someone is mowing their yard and the neighbor’s is playing Led Zeppelin on their stereo and the mail carrier is walking down the street and there’s sunshine and flowers, none of which fits with image of the end of the world as we know it, which is the prevailing headline.

Every day I do a pointless google search for news on “COVID-19 treatments.” It’s like sending up a prayer for a miracle cure or wishing on a shooting star to win the lottery. I do this even though I know if there were substantial news on the treatment front, it would be covered in every news outlet.

I should put on a mask and get on my bike or go for a walk.

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