proteanme

I bought a bunch of shoes in 2009, which was one of the many ways I’ve coped with my dad dying. I did other things to cope besides that, but I was just looking at my closet last night and thinking, Jesus, where did all these shoes come from? An unplanned legacy of footwear I guess.

This morning when I got to work, a colleague was taking snapshots of the sunrise. It was beautiful this morning and he sent me some of the shots later. They turned out pretty good.

I’ve taken so many photos of the sky this year. Sunsets from my apartment and RU’s house. Storm clouds in the spring.  Contrails cutting across the clear blue of summer.  Cloud banks from a plane window. The crisscross of phone wires. Night reflected back through a window. Rain and snow as it falls. All this time spent trying to capture a monent of something that is always changing.

Larry Sultan died. He did some really great work. I hope one day I get to see it in person.

Been listening to Pitchfork’s best tracks of 2009. Lots of great singles there. More and more that’s what I find. Not so many great records, but lots of great songs. There’s this one by Matt and Kim, Daylight; it’s been running through my brain all day.

I’m really interested in reading Stephen Elliott’s Adderall Diaries. I’ve finally got some breathing space for leisure reading after spending my fall reading strategically this writing certificate program I’m in. Not that I’ve not read some great stuff, especially when it comes to Amy Hempel and Raymond Carver, but it’s not quite the same as the thrill of finding something new on your own.

I was thinking about marriage today. And how asking someone if they are married and how the question just assumes heterosexuality. And how if gay marriage ever does happen, asking “are you married” will be just that, and not some passive way of trying to parse the orientation of queers who don’t stand out.

Last week we had this arctic blast here, at least arctic for Portland. It was down in the low teens, which is the kind of weather that makes me want to cry when I’m riding my bike, especially into the wind. I rode one day; froze my hands and feet and my face went kinda numb. Thawing out at my desk, everything fucking hurt. Bad. I thought about the Donner party and was amazed that any of them ever made it out alive. I’d have cired myself to death and someone would have eaten me. I drove my car the rest of the week.

I woke today up to rain and temps in the low 40’s and was like helleluja Portland winter. Yes my feet were soaked, even with my booties on and yes, it took all day for my gloves to dry out, but I’ll take it.

Likely, I’ll be complaining about the rain in a week. That’s what we do here anyway. But I loved feeling like it was not a big deal to get on the saddle and brave the elements this morning.

My girl in western Mass could really use your help.