proteanme

I am buzzing. Could be the lack of sleep. Could be the coffee. Could be that there are things. It’s raining, hard for Portland, and part of me wants to go walk out in it for as many miles as I can, until I can’t walk any more, and then lay down and sleep for a week. What’s that about? The yard wants some attention. Freelance work is backed up a little. The house is dusty and needs to be vacuumed. And I just want to write and play music and make food and feel all these feelings I have. Marvel at that last part, really.

I am listening to 70’s music. My not so secret secret thing I do sometimes – ELO, Fleetwood Mac, Leonard Cohen, Wings, Elton John, Bob Dylan, circa Blood on the Tracks, Velvet Underground, which is technically the 60’s . . .  not sure what my point is. Its not nostalgia.

I had a meaningful conversation last night with MG, who I’ve known for a while through AM and BDF, wherein we realized for the first time (because we’ve never talked at length) that we were both Hoosier ex-pats and that the secret heart in our hearts was our midwesterness. It was awesome. We talked about that open space and seeing for miles and corn and kindness and I felt so “seen.” It was an unexpected connection that came at the start of a night of all sorts of amazing unexpectedness.

The clouds are dense and I can’t see across the river to the west. today is marked by the insularness of Portland, trapped in the damp and the little bit of chill that’s going on, and when that gets combined that with all of the tall trees that sit on top of the tall hills, it makes me feel a little closed in. Sometimes, I like that feeling. Sometimes, I don’t. Don’t know how I feel right now except that really I want to put my head somewhere safe and sweet and not think about anything for a little bit. Just look out the window and say it’s impossible to see very far and that’s ok. Also, maybe I should stop listening to this one Neil Young song over and over. I don’t know if its the piano or his voice that is making it so impossible to not tear up all of the sudden.