right now

November 25, 2008

The thing is this, recently I got cut loose by a couple people in my life out here and it has laid bare the nature of my connections or missed connections with folks in Portland. I know a lot of people around town. I like them, too. But I’m not part of any one group, not particularly close to any one body. Not any more. And that’s ok. This isn’t about feeling sorry for myself. Or trying to drum up pity from who ever is reading this post. And I’m not trying to be a martyr or a hard ass either. I’m only trying to talk about the nature of things in my life right now.

The truth is I’ve experienced a lot of loss out here. In Bloomington it always seemed people were moving through my life and it made sense to me because it was a college town. But out here, anyone I was close to at one point, I’m not close to any more. Not now. I can’t think of one exception. Folks have just moved out of my life. Or I’ve moved out of their’s.  Lots of reasons for all that. But even the reasonableness of it feels a little sad.

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