proteanme

The interior landscape. Now that’s a tricky one. I wish I could keep it from getting over run with nay sayers. It’s funny how much I’ve externalized nay saying. Unconsciously, I think. It’s like a sixth sense the way I gravitate to the “no can do” in a crowd. Not that there aren’t some really wonderful and supportive exceptions. Lucky for me, there have always been; say for instance, the terrific friends who read my blog. But I swear to god sometimes I feel safer with the cynics and critics; I have a lot more experience negotiating with dismissiveness and disdain. For those of you who feel comfortable doing so, feel free to give me a gentle nduge away from the rut of familiarity.

I’ve been watching myself these last couple days, riding a baby roller coaster of small successes and defeats. Good practice I think — to observe it all.  And the stakes are pretty low, but details count. I keep thinking of Churchill saying “life is one damn thing after another” and how that doesn’t have to be condemnation or an echo of defeat. It could be an invitation to embrace the damn things. What else are you gonna do, work against it all?!