proteanme

How do you miss absence? I need to figure out how to explain it because that’s what it’s like missing my dad. I miss this place where mostly there was nothing punctuated by these brief appearances of something that reminded me how I was way too used to all that nothing.

Sometimes it’s like I made him up. Not because he’s dead, either. But becasue he was mostly story to beign with.

Its impossible. Not impossible in a good way how when you fly you get so high that it is impossible to understand you are miles from the ground. You look out the window and it’s fascinating, not at all like looking out a 5 story building or peaking over the edge of stadium balcony, which is something that makes me feel like my testicles are retracting, except I don’t have any testicles. Just balls.

I once loved this girl who hates me now. Every time she sees me she either walks out of the room or the building or she just acts like I’m not there. It makes me wonder if nothingness is in my DNA.

I don’t know what I’d have done if I hadn’t moved back to RU’s this year.