proteanme

Right before I virtually dropped out I was supposed to fly home for David and Julie’s wedding, but I never made it. The night before I was scheduled to leave I freaked out so hard about flying that I couldn’t get my ass on the plane the next day. I stayed on the ground for the next year and half, undone by a toxic combination of fear and shame.

A number of things got me back up in the friendly skies. Rachel, my therapist, Buddhism, xanax, relaxation tapes, old friends, many trips to the aiport to watch planes take off and land, moms flying with their precious babies, and a strong desire to enlarge a world that was becoming dangerously small. Since that trip to San Francisco in March, 2005 (and that’s me at the end of the return flight to Portland) I’ve been to Indiana, New York, Mexico and Paris.

Sometimes I just can’t believe it. I struggled with flying for so long and after Dave’s wedding I pretty much gave up on the idea of ever traveling overseas. I look at the pictures of me in Paris and I feel amazed and grateful and so aware of how short life is.

So now I’m flying. In fact, just last month I had back to back weekend trips to San Francisco and New York city. It’s a big change. It’s still evolving. Can’t wait to see where I go next.