proteanme

Another list. This one is aimed at folks building web sites and is comprised of some of my favorite software, services and code, plus some URLs for learning and inspiration.

• Subversion – version tracking software
• del.icio.us – social bookmarking
• Tada Lists – hosted to do lists
• Homesite – code editor
• Firebug – firefox extension (I wish I could build something this insanely useful)
• MeasureIt – firefox extension
• ColorZilla – firefox extension
• PIE’s Clearfix hack
• Carl Camera’s CSS linked photoshuffler
• Eric Meyer’s CSS Reset
• CollyLogic’s solution to dynamically change layout based on window size
• Stylegala
• Most Inspired
• del.icio.us popular links

A short list of some songs I’ve been regularly listening to this year that remind me why I love rock and roll.

• The Who – I’m Free (some of the best fucking drum fills ever – don’t even argue with me)
• The Shins – Kissing the Lipless
• David Bowie and Freddie Mercury – Under Pressure
• Elivs Costello – Everyday I Write the Book
• Calvin Harris – Merry Making at My House
• Iron & Wine – Flightless Bird, American Mouth
• Gnarls Barkley – Crazy (what a great R & B dance song)
• Thom Yorke – Eraser
• Eddie Vedder and Strokes cover- Mercy, Mercy Me
• Destroyer – Painter in Your Pocket.

Some things I’m grateful for:

• good coffee
• my cat Phil
• interesting and challenging work
• the freaks and geeks I know
• really good food
• flirting
• old friends
• going for a run at night

I’m never sure how personal I want to be on my blog, in part because I keep my feelings pretty close to the vest. In fact I would say I struggle to access them at times, which is some what of a different issue. But anyway, the other part is this is a public forum, and it’s easy to be misread, misunderstood, misinterpreted, or someone just misses the fucking boat, ya know.

Having said that, I’m going to test the waters a bit with something a little more personal. I’ve been thinking lately that I’ve kinda grown up to be the guy I thought I’d be. And yes, I said guy, and yes. I said that on purpose. When I was a kid I never conceived I would grow up to be a woman. Thinking that’s dissonant? Yeah, me too. I wanted to say that here because I’ve been living with this disparity all my life and been afraid to tell a damn soul. Ok, maybe I’ve told at least a few damn souls., plus I don’t need to over dramatize this.

I know many folks mistake me for a lesbian, and I understand why, but it doesn’t work for me. Lord, I don’t know how to explain, although I think the lesbians get it. But , think of the real lesbians ya know and then think of me, really. Think of who I’ve been with and who my good friends are. Something not adding up?! And it’s not like I want to transition either. Transition meaning become a guy, which is the trend out here. Fuck, for one thing if I was a guy everybody would just say I was a pussy. I’m not macho. I’m a geek who can only pull off looking tough, if I take a wide stance and keep my mouth shut. But the other thing is even as much as I envy male privilege, I don’t want to occupy that space or deal with those expectations. Soooo, here I am, the guy I kinda thought I’d be – dated alot of beautiful women, put out one rock record, am working with a bunch of other guys making things. Whew… got sidetracked in my mind with the revelation that except for women I’ve always aimed low, cause I wasn’t sure what I could expect from a world where I didn’t see a place for myself.

I know there are some people who don’t see a place for themselves and that fuels them to carve one out. Thus far I’ve not been one of those people, but I’m also a late bloomer. So don’t count me out.

I gotta eat some dinner.

Something else I’ve learned is that nature will kick your ass. Every year since I’ve been here people have gone out into the wilderness and not come back. I cannot count the number of missing hikers, skiers, snow mobilers, backpackers and mountain climbers that get lost, with only a lucky few getting found.

Last summer Bec came out here for a short backpack trip up Mt. Jefferson, and in a sad coincidence, at the same time, a young lady who worked at a resort near Jefferson’s base was lost on the mountain. She’d gone out alone for a hike, started back too late, and then got caught in the dark. One of the lucky few – she found her way out about 3 days later, which was after we’d come down. On our way up, we ran into rangers on foot and on horseback searching for her, and it was eerie being up there in our tent in the cold and rain, thinking about her.

I feel I’ve acquired some knowledge about life, or maybe I’d just acquired the ability or willingness to articulate things I’ve been knowing for a while. Either way, I thought I’d write down some of those things.

• When I’m running late, inevitably something almost always happens that makes me later.
• Alot of any day can be consumed by taking things out and putting things away.
• As I grow older I don’t change as much as become more willing to accept myself.
• Even trite stories can be meaningful.

That’s right I need a rim job. Tonight I was riding home from my neighborhood bike store where I’d gone to repair the 2nd flat my back tire has suffered in just two weeks when I was hit by a car. Its fucked up. It was the drivers’ fault, and she was nice considering she had just run into the back of my bike, bending my back tire rim to where it won’t even roll. That’s the obvious damage. I don’t want to go in to any other details here. Paranoia about insurance, injuries, etc. I just called my mom in tears. Right now I’m grateful to be alive and super aware of how fragile we bike riders are when matched with a couple tons of steel and some serious horse power.

I was reading Ty’s commentary on Hillary Clinton. And frankly his comments got under my skin. I’m not saying I’m a Hillary fan, but calling her Bush light is a cheap shot (or at least not very nuanced), and echoes of the whole 2000 election rhetoric about there being no difference between Bush and Gore. Thinking about this I was reminded of an interview with Tony Kushner where he said something like the lesser of two evils is really less evil.

Me, I want a democrat president, imperfect, probably compromised, needing all of us to hold his or her feet to the fire, and certainly not ideal. But I’ll take anyone from election’s crop of democrat candidates. Tony convinced me.

I don’t see how anyone can read that history and then turn their back on the system — how anyone can think it’s not important who our justices are, who the president is, who’s in Congress . . . Listen, here’s the thing about politics: It’s not an expression of your moral purity and your ethics and your probity and your fond dreams of some utopian future. Progressive people constantly fail to get this . . . The system isn’t about ideals. The country doesn’t elect great leaders. It elects fucked-up people who for reasons of ego want to run the world. Then the citizenry makes them become great.

Some things I liked about 2007:

• Camping at Cove Pallisades State Park.
• Okkervil River show at the Northwest Music fest.
• Making the best bolognese sauce ever.
• My new Surly long haul trucker.
  Homemade ice cream from my $5 hand crank ice cream maker.
• Making panzella and nicoise salad with the bounty from my farm share.
• Iron and Wine’s Shepherd’s Dog.
• Writing some great code with the web team at Rejuvenation.
• The Ortlieb panniers I got off Craigslist.
• Daniel Mendelsohn’s The Lost: A Search for Six of Six Million.
• Manilla mangos, picking fresh blue berries, and Rachel’s birthday peach pie.
• Hiking Dog Mountain.
• Calvin Harris’ single Merrymaking at My House.
• Renewing my subscription to the New Yorker.
• Seeing so many of my favorite Hoosiers

I thought I might try some posts about some of the best things I’ve come across this year, beginning with the best sandwich I’ve had in a long time. Actually Portland is home to a number of great sandwiches. For a while Cal’s bahn mi was my favorite. If you’ve never had bahn mi, run, don’t walk to a Vietnamese deli near you to try one for yourself. In NYC? Go to Nicky’s Vietnamese Sandwiches. San Francisco? Saigon Kitchen rocks it. Chicago? Ba Le is supposed to be the place.

Before I discovered bahn mi, I loved a sandwich called the orchard from Otto’s Sausage Kitchen, a local institution that cures their own Oregon-grown meats, and churns pigs, cows, and chickens into summer sausage and frankfurters. The orchard is made up of summer sausage, havarti, sliced apples, honey mustard, mayo, cream cheese and lettuce. Plus, for you hops lovers Otto’s also carries about 50 different beers. Check it out next time you’re in Portland.

I didn’t think it could get any better than the orchard or bahn mi til about a month ago when I had the sandwich that tops all sandwiches. Navarre’s pate sandwich. It consists of house made pork belly pate with prune on Ken’s artisan country blond bread with mustard and house made pickles. My god it is good. So good, it’s just…perfect. A real pleasure to eat.